Warning: Extreme self-pitying post

So...I've been feeling...well, to put it eloquently, like shit lately. Actually, I remember it starting exactly a year ago...but that's a minor detail.

To put it simply, I'm sick. Really, really, really sick. But not in the way that you might think. After about year of gaining weight (I went from a size 2 to a size 6), having stomach problems, and feeling absolutely exhausted in the last few months, I got some bloodwork done, and my doctor tested it for me. Friday afternoon, he called my mother with the results and she sat me down when she came home.

Turns out, I have celiac disease. Basically, this means an allergy to anything with wheat products, because most of them contain wheat gluten. This is going to greatly restrict my diet from now on.

I can't even explain how upset and angry I am, for several reasons. First of which, before a bread store opened up near my house about a year ago, I honestly hated bread. Now, of course, I love it, especially a multi-grain flour loaf which contains tons of ingredients that I'm allergic to. Over the year I've actually developed a love for lots of wheat products, have been consuming everything from oats to rice cakes, and coincidentally I know love both of those but they happen to be on the strict "No" List for me now. I guess this is the main cause of my sadness. Although, I'm also sad because I've had severe asthma all of my life which is never going to go away, so I've always sort of had to watch what I did, and now having to watch what I eat is going to be even more unbearable.

I guess I am angry because celiac disease causes indigestion amongst other stomach problems and so I've been pumping myself full of bran and fibres and not understanding that they were actually making me worse and I've been trying to eat a certain way to help my health improve and nothing I've tried is working and I've obviously just made myself worse in a vain attempt to actually improve.

On top of all of this, celiac disease causes severe anemia so I have been walking around, half-asleep, with a hemoglobin count of 8 when it should be 12 or 13. I'm just exhausted now and fed up and I've even stopped wearing makeup because I don't even care what I look like anymore because I'm so tired and hungry all the time.

Dear god, I want out of this hell. Please.

That's all for now,

Saf.